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Wednesday, April 12, 2006

gnus, gnats and gnomes

Which is smarter -- a gnat or a gnu? (A gnu being a large African antelope, also known as a wildebeest) The vote would seem to come down heavily on the gnu side because the gnat seems to know only enough to fly into eyes, ears, noses and mouths, but then they don't get eaten by lions, except mostly by accident and that notably with the negligent gnat in the gnu's nostril while it was being gnawed.

Since there are so many gnats -- could it be that we only see, hear, smell and taste the thrill seekers or the suicidal? Are the elite, learned gnats watching all this from the sidelines and shaking their heads at their fellow-gnats foolhardiness? That is if gnats indeed have a neck to enable their heads to be shook.

Then gnus -- they supposedly possess some intelligence, but they hardly notice when faced with the news of a new gnu -- but when the most important thing in your life is to know how to eat grass and run fast -- it would tend to leave some slackness between the ears. But if a lion catches a gnu napping, it's naught to the lion whether it's an old gnu or a new gnu -- it just becomes nourishment.

Then there's gnomes -- unless I've mixed my fairy tales like I do metaphors, I seem to remember that they always have a knife, are old and bent looking, wear short pants, travel a lot, are strongly opinionated and have trouble discussing anything other than their own beliefs -- you are either on their side or are the enemy -- and this naturally negates neutrality.

The gnome then that's hardest to negotiate with is the knavish, knuckle-headed, nomadic, gnarly gnome with known gnostic notions, in knickers with a new knife. He's likely to knock a knot on your noggin with a nodule of gneiss. Sounds like something some religious zealot might do – notice I didn’t say Christian, although some wear that name rather loosely. Although that would probably not be anyone I would know, bless their hearts. :) ec


Blogger Granny said...

I checked to see if you left any "gn" words unwritten and about all I could come up with is "gnuplot" which sounded conspiratorial until I discovered it has something to do with computers.

Great post.

4/12/2006 09:49:00 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I have a friend in Australia who identifies herself as the “garden gnome.”

The thought of gnus always reminds me of

Once I knew a gnu that knew the news.
He knew the news like no gnu ever knew.
But now he's dead and, though I know another nosy gnu,
I never knew a gnu that knew the news like that gnu knew.

I can do without gnats!

4/13/2006 12:19:00 AM  
Blogger Jayleigh said...

When I was a child, there was a kid's program on Saturday mornings called Great Space Coaster. The gnews guy was Gary Gnu. His tagline was, "No gnews is good gnews unless it's with Gary Gnu."

Awesome post. You're just the right amount of silly.

4/13/2006 08:12:00 AM  
Blogger Anvilcloud said...

I just gnu that you were going to silly post today.

4/13/2006 10:37:00 AM  
Blogger B.J.W. said...

I am speechless, don't gno which is smarter, my guess is the gnus?

4/13/2006 11:45:00 AM  
Blogger mreddie said...

granny - Thanks, I tried to cover all the bases, gnu and old.

SSN - Great poem - and it's a gnu one to me.

jayleigh - Thanks - it's kind of like the outlaw said back in the old west - no noose is good noose.

AC - It must be something about the phase of the moon - possibly a gnu moon.

bjw - I gno the gnu must be more gnowledgeable, but it must knot be by much. ec

4/13/2006 02:19:00 PM  

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